You’re tired of living by everyone else’s rules, of having to hide who you truly are, of pretending you don’t want something more out of life. Yeah, I’ve been there. At some point, you have to take control of your life and forge your own path.
It should have been shocking, but for me it was normal. I stood in the background, watching my great aunt bark orders at her male employees. The men stood around obediently, seemingly inhaling her every word. I thought all women were in charge of the world like that, why wouldn’t they be?
My great aunt was my sole guardian after my mother abandoned me and moved to another country. I was treated like a precious doll, and showered with all the things money could buy. The lazy days under my great aunt’s orange tree in Jamaica would have been idyllic if I hadn’t been so lonely. For all the toys I had, I was friendless, kept safely inside the walls of my great aunt’s compound like a jewel to be kept under lock and key.
My absentee father would enter my life on occasions, treating me like a temporary fix he needed to get out of his system. He’d show up and we’d be inseparable, and then he’d vanish just as quickly as he appeared. I wanted for nothing but it was hard to find something stable and solid to hold onto.
At aged 9 I was whisked away from one gilded cage to another when I was put on a plane to a foreign country, my mother, by now a stranger met me at the airport. I arrived in London into my mum’s upturned life, where she’d nestled herself
comfortably in an abusive relationship. Seeing my mother as the passive object of her husband’s rage was such a change from watching my great aunt take full control of a group of men who worked for her. But some things remained the same. Loneliness. The culture shock. There were many tears, but no one noticed, as I trudged my way through a very isolated and lonely childhood.
“What is your problem?” My husband lobbed the question at me like a weapon, his voice accusatory, and his demeanour wavering somewhere in between exasperation and apathy. He made sweeping gestures at our beautiful home, fully equipped with tennis courts, a swimming pool, and many other vestiges of privilege. I looked at my husband, and realised that he’d become a stranger I no longer recognised.
But I was no stranger to gilded cages. Despite a lifetime of being locked up by someone else’s whims, I’d never become very adept at being a dutiful prisoner. My husband viewed me as his trophy, and I was expected to comply. To live my
life in his own image.
Anything I’d put my heart and soul into was disposable and readily discarded like trash. It was as if my aspirations didn’t exist at all, outside of being a wife and mother, along with the chief organiser of the family’s social calendar. We seemed like the perfect family on the outside, but everything was different on the inside. Hard as I tried, I just couldn’t play this role any longer. I wanted something more. I needed something more. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I knew I had to find it. The distractions that I was using to hide my unhappiness were becoming weary. Spending money on useless things that were never opened when they
were delivered, alcohol, smoking, planning the next holiday even before I finished the current one. Ultimately, I saw what I could become if I didn’t take more responsibility for my own life.
I could have discovered it had I looked in the mirror and really looked myself in the eye, but this sort of logic and reason didn’t come so easily when I, in essence had lost all sense of who I was. It was that moment when I returned home, with the children for the summer holiday, when I put the key in the lock of our front door and realised that I couldn’t go back to. I weighed my options, and it wasn’t an easy decision, but I finally decided to take charge of my own life. Putting the key into the door of our home where there were no guards, or maids, or drivers, or anyone but me and the children, flooded my body with an odd sense relief. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it was my first step toward the redemption I’d been seeking my whole life.
Sitting in my home in London, I thought about my children, now grown, to whom I’d managed to give the stable and loving childhood I’d so desperately wanted for myself. Weaving my way through my journey into single motherhood and self discovery finally led to my conquering the loneliness beast that had been such a fixture throughout my life. I’d finally stopped engaging in the futility of trying to fit in and started living my life on my own terms, in pursuit of my own passions, and living in joy every day of my life, even on the gloomy, rainy days we have in London. I discovered my own brand of sunshine.
We are all here to be the masters of our own lives. I’m here to help you overcome the negative patterns that are holding you back, to stop looking outside yourself to find your happy place, and learn to find it within.
If you’re ready to conquer a lifetime of ingrained fears and boldly pursue your passion and purpose without hesitation, without holding anything back, without seeking anyone else’s validation, and without worrying about all the things that
could go wrong, I’m here to show you how to make it happen, to reconnect you with yourself, that person you were meant to be before you were forced by society, your parents, or anyone else into being something you’re not for someone else’s benefit. I’m here to help you discover the joys of just being you with no qualms and no apologies. This is your moment, take it!
About the Author
Marva Johnson-Jones is the founder of Acuity Rapid Results Coaching based in the UK. You can contact Marva on email firstname.lastname@example.org
or by Mobile/Whatsapp: 07738115942 – Marva is currently offering a powerful, free 45 minutes Personal Empowerment and
Self-rediscovery coaching session. Book yours today. Please quote Ref#NTblog in the subject line of your email.