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Divorce is the end of the relationship, not the end of life – Revathi Mohan – India

 


I was born in a highly conservative family in a town called Tiruchengode (Tamilnadu, India). Like most of the girls in my community, I completed my Masters with Distinction. And of-course, it is a symbol of esteem to complete an Engineering Degree or a Master Degree – Strictly ‘No’ to the job.

Till then life for me was one and only my family, to get a good name to my family members – that too based on the subject score and the words from my teacher. Those days girls will not be appreciated and encouraged much if they achieved something other than academics. After 2 years of groom hunt – with the approval from the astrologer and the groom’s first circle (no doubt, to approach the people who only gave positive words about the guy just because astrologer gave positive remarks), I got married. It didn’t last even for 10 days.

I was born in a social circle where good girls must tolerate all the non-sense attitude of the groom’s house. Even though they disrespect us to the core out of insecurity and low self-esteem.  He verbally abused me. Within a week of marriage, tortured me to the core and also said, this is your final day – threatened me to get ready with the suicide note. I was petrified. I realized, his intention behind this marriage is not to live a happy life with me. I was shattered. I heard the worst statement I ever hear in my life- ‘Why do you smile at guest – are you trying to flatter them’ – so far I heard ‘Smile’ is the basic respect we give to the other human being. I was not allowed to talk with neither the guest nor anyone at his home.

I tried my best to make my parents to realize his attitude. I was clueless what I am going to do next. I am okay to go with the flow.  I took a decision and discussed with my family members that, I don’t deserve to live this kind of life, no matter what- I just want to come out of this.

The impact they left in 10 days remained for 3 years in my life- I was on medication for a year and therapy for couple of years.

I experienced the definition of Depression.

I was ashamed to meet my loved ones- It reminded their toxic words not to talk with anyone.

I used to cry for no reason when I see for paper and pen – that reminds he compelled me to write a suicide note

I got to fear for my favourite food and restaurant  – since he said he mix poison in that

I got fear to travel – since he tried to crash the car which my father complimented for my wedding just because I was not ready to write suicide note.

My hands shivered like anything. I just wake up in the mid of night and cried for no reason.  I could not hold a glass full of water to drink. I was scared of everything – even to cross the road without a companion was a biggest achievement.

Then I took a decision – I don’t want to give any reason to anyone to follow my instinct. All I could feel is , ”I don’t deserve to live this kind of worst life”

2013- I got married and applied for divorce.

Then I joined in college studied full time Masters in counselling Psychology.

It was absolute pain to sit in the classroom and listen how to handle the pain.  There are days I run out of the class and cry for no reason.

There are days I was unable to focus on any therapy.

I got absolutely very good friends during my college days who hug me everyday and say I am perfect

On 2013 my birthday I was a depressed patient in a hospital and at 2014 I was a psychologist intern at a hospital. I found a Year can do a lot to a person based on the choice they made.

I passed out in the year 2015 and I was the first student who got placed in my department

Placed at an reputed Engineering College as the first CounsellingPsychologist.

Yes, the two gentle men created a job for me.

2016-   Quit my job and started travelling just to explore about people and lifestyle.

Interviewed amazing personalities right from Mrs.India, Padma Bhushan Awardee( highest civilian award in India) Member of Parliament, Lawyers, Educational Institute Founder, Students, Spiritual Gurus , Road side sellers etc

Found the answer for ‘what matters the most and where the real happiness is’

2017-   I started to write snippets and blogs , then I wrote a book about parenting ‘ The Smile Syrup’

Now, Revathi, The Author – ‘The Smile Syrup’

Am sure now I am the reason behind the Smile of Millions

And now my parents are proud of me for the difference I am making in people’s life. Talking with strangers – listening to their problems- giving a clarity in their life and making an impact is a bliss. And it takes years and so many hardships to realise this thing.

I hate people call me victim or survivor. I don’t want people to pity me and I don’t want to play a safe victim game. I always want to be a person who tries hard to get what I deserve.

I realised it is my responsibility to change my identity. Of course yes, the person who could save me is only me. The choices I consider and the decision I chose matters a lot. Even though, my father is financially and socially secured I haven’t experienced this kind of bliss even before.

What I am now today is because of the kind of people I chose to be with  and the kind of life, I want to live and to the kind of person I wish to make the positive impact . I do counselling and make people really okay with my presence. I am happy and feel content that I make difference in their lives. Life is once, nobody deserves to live an unhappy life.

I realize, not all the men are cruel. I was compelled by someone to write a suicide note and I was inspired by someone to write my book ‘The Smile Syrup’.

2018-  I framed my own module and started a story telling session  for parents.

It’s my prudence and persistence makes me to reach the place where I am today.

One life changing statement in my life,

IF YOU DIDN’T GO BEHIND WHAT YOU WANT YOU NEVER GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.

Now I am proud to say, if you know me a year back – I say, ‘ sorry that’s not me- everyyear my growth is  strong and allow me to re-introduce myself’.

You Too can Thrive at Seventy Five! – Lyn Traill – Australia

“I am a late sizzler.” That’s what I wrote in my book “Sizzling at Seventy”. Now I believe that I have proved that not only can you sizzle, you can absolutely thrive at seventy-five. I thought my life was wonderful at seventy and made a smug statement in my book that, as a reformed victim, I felt that I could cope with anything life threw at me. Well, life decided to check me out and threw me the biggest curve ball of all.

Following on from some unwise relationship choices, in my early sixties I met the love of my life and I thought I had found my ‘happy-ever-after’. We had a wonderful, enriching marriage and he was the icing on the cake for someone who had worked hard to crawl out of victimhood and kick some pretty impressive goals. I had no idea what lay ahead.

I became a teacher because I hated every day of my school life and wanted to prove that education can be enjoyable for everyone if individual differences are acknowledged. The school system never suited me and I was excited in my forties, to be given a year on full pay to go to university, which added to my qualifications in special education. This was my opportunity to assist teachers to bring out the best in students who, like me, didn’t fit the system. I’d be lying if I said that everything I tried was a success, but I was able to implement many successful breakthroughs. Always driven by my passion, it was during this time that I wrote a published series called, “Thinking Sideways”, which was inspired by Howard Gardner’s notion of different intelligences. Other published works reflected strategies to help students get the most out of language. I was on a roll, but hadn’t been prepared for the resistance I encountered along the way. If I had only had the confidence afforded to me now, I would not have let others push me down because I now know that I was on the right track. There were some fabulous experiences in education but after a particularly nasty spate of bullying, I retired from education at the age of fifty-five to begin the next important journey.

I took on a business partner and created a Registered Training Organisation, Traill Blaze Communications. I thought that as an educational consultant, I had so much experience in training, but of course, once again there were many challenges. I have no regrets and am so grateful for the steep learning curve. My thirst for learning stood me in good stead and I undertook many courses in my desire to serve clients. Becoming accredited in all Human Synergistics diagnostic tools was a useful ploy and we managed to build up a strong clientele.  I learnt how to ‘fake it till you make it’, but, sometimes I found it difficult. An early contract we had with an engineering company, proved to be challenging. I overheard a rather arrogant man say, “Women are allowed to be smart as long as they are ugly.” Apparently, I wasn’t ugly enough! It just made me more resolute to do my absolute best.

Early on I began to realise that although our clients asked for consultation, most of which entailed common sense answers, it wasn’t sustainable. Instead of being told what to do, I realised they needed coaching to make their own decisions. This lead me to undertake several coaching courses, the most valuable being the Graduate Diploma of Ontological Coaching, which was both personally and professionally life changing. My business partner had long moved away and I went on alone, apart from two years as a director in a training college.

There were some personal traumas, but once again, I am so grateful that I became stronger and at last stepped into my true self. I was no longer a victim and began to believe that I had something to offer the world. This made such a difference because, where previously I had compromised in relationships, I now felt good enough to attract something better. In fact, by this time I didn’t need anybody in my life, I was happy on my own. Then I met my lovely Mick. I talk about the miracle of that in my book. At the end of the book he was very much alive and my life was amazing. Six months later he was taken with a melanoma and brain tumour. I was unprepared, not only for the grief of losing my beloved, who had inspired me to write the book, but I reeled from the behaviour of some who dealt with his death in unexpected ways which impacted mightily on my mental health. I have learned so much from the next terrible eighteen months and see them as valuable.

So much has happened since then. I feel I have much to offer in assisting women in their search for wholeness and I love this work. I love to speak, I love to coach and I love to write. How lucky I am to be able to have the opportunity to do all three. I truly believe, with all my experience, that once you have your vision, you do all you can, and then watch the miracles happen. I had no idea that life could be so fabulous and I know that it is absolutely possible to thrive at seventy-five. It is never too late to find your ‘fabulous’.

About the Author

Alongside a successful career as an educational consultant, author, and training director of a leading vocational college, Lyn has been in demand as a management consultant since 1997, specialising in executive coaching, culture analysis and customised training.  More recently she works one on one with her intuitive coaching practices which include regression therapy and ontological (way of being) strategies. Her book, “Sizzling at Seventy – Victim to Victorious” has proved to be helpful to many and is being republished. It is available on Amazon or on Lyn’s website.

Lyn’s warm and perceptive personality allows her to easily engage and encourage people. Her passion and humour are infectious, allowing others to feel readily at ease. She is available for one on one coaching, group coaching and speaking.

Contact Lyn on 0407 131 474 or email Lyn at lyn@traillblaze.com or visit her website www.traillblaze.com

 

Discovering Your Inner Compass – Zoë Routh – Australia

Discovering Your Inner Compass – Zoë Routh – Australia

I’m a British-born, Canadian raised, Australian adventurist. I came out of the womb ready to explore the world! My mother used to have to tie me around the waist with a rope to keep me from wandering off. That sense of adventure has stayed with me always.

My first real job was leading canoe trips across Northwest Ontario. It was wild, rugged and spectacular. I learned that the world is truly beautiful. I also learnt the value of companionship and the strength that comes with a tightly knit group. Belonging and connection are the heart’s currency.

From there I ventured across the continent and another ocean to land in Australia and work with Outward Bound Australia. For the next 10 years I had amazing adventures in remote parts of Australia, down its wild rivers, up its stunning mountains. I learned about leadership of my colleagues and how to set the direction for an organisation with limited resources. Here I established the registered training organisation and set up the Internship program, a year-long outdoor instructor development program. With my team I taught new outdoor leaders the technical and interpersonal skills required to help people develop themselves in remote settings. This included canoeing, rafting, abseiling, bushwalking, and high ropes courses, as well as facilitation and debriefing.

In 2005 after I’d launched my leadership development business Inner Compass, I discovered I had cervical cancer. It was not the usual kind and it was very aggressive. This was the news I received one week after getting engaged to my gorgeous Aussie man. We were devastated. Our plans for wedding and babies turned upside down.

I put my business on hold and underwent several months of chemotherapy and extensive abdominal surgery. These were dark days. Once I recovered, we underwent years of IVF, with roadblock after roadblock in our way. In 2010, we closed the door on that future, and embraced one without children. This has been both heart-wrenching and rewarding. We count our life as blessed.

I decided to live my life differently as a result and began a new adventure. For the next few years I reinvented myself, explored new ways of running my business and then landed a job with the Australian Rural Leadership Foundation. Here I continued to have my wild adventures as the ARLF included outdoor experiential learning with its programs. I developed leadership programs for various industry sectors like wine, rice, and mining communities. It was glorious!

The call for my own business kept pulling me back. In 2014 I embraced my leadership practice once more and it has been widely successful. I am deeply passionate about helping leaders discover the power of their voice and speaking their truth. I believe that leaders who develop themselves contribute in big ways to the planet. I am honoured to work with a number of CEOs and organisations as they hone their leadership, thinking, being and doing in service to better industries and communities.

The key insights for me are to keep the adventurist spirit alive, even through dark areas of life. To keep exploring, being curious, and savouring the views is my inner compass that guides me through life’s adventures.

About the Author

Zoë Routh is a leadership expert who has worked with individuals teams internationally and in Australia since 1987. She is passionate about helping leaders and teams thrive together, especially through times of volatile change. She believes that connectivity in teams, combined with change literacy, will create business resilience. She knows that when we speak our truth, we lead and elevate all.

Her past leadership roles include Chair of the Outdoor Council of Australia and President of the ACT Chamber of Women in Business.

She is the author of Composure: How centered leaders make the biggest impact. Her forthcoming book is Speak Your Truth: Leadership in moments that matter most.

Zoë is an outdoor adventurist and enjoys telemark skiing, has run 6 marathons, is a one-time belly-dancer, and loves hiking in the high country. She is married to a gorgeous Aussie and is mother to 6 garden-wrecking chooks.

Inspiring Story – Zoë Routh – Australia

To contact Zoë:

Mobile: 0416 177 073
Phone: +61 6162 0554
Email: zoe@innercompass.com.au
Web: http://innercompass.com.au/
PO Box 5194 Lyneham ACT 2602 AUSTRALIA

Nikki Taylor personally thanks Zoë Routh for sharing her inspiring story today with us on Inspiring Women Today by Nikki Taylor.  Should you too wish to share your very own inspirational journey/story please email nikki@inspiringwomentoday.biz and our editorial guidelines will be sent to you.

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